The sure fire winner
by MarauderCracker
Summary: Kurt has a tumblr, a personal, private, fashion/music/life/pop culture blog. He doesn't tell anyone about it, except for Nick and Jeff. They tell Sebastian about it one day, and he keeps going back to check on it. Sebastian may hate the Kurt he sees every day for the most part, but how he feels and talks to the online Kurt soon becomes a different story. Kurtbastian
1. first

Kurt has a tumblr. Kurt is a _special little snowflake as we all in tumblr are,_ and also the hugest fanboy in the universe, so he obviously has a tumblr.

He has tracked tags from Alexander Wang to Zuhair Murad, and the most used tags in his blog are: **#lady gaga**, **#broadway**, **#fashion**, **#adam lambert**, **#photo** and **#music**.

He is the kind of person that prefers to keep his IRL friends away from his Internet friends, but there's a few people who know his tumblr. Namely, Jeff and Nick.

The persons he was closest while at Dalton where Blaine (of course), Nick, Jeff and David. He bonded instantly with our beloved 36 duo, and instantly guessed that there was something going on between them, too. Jeff is the most eaguer and invasive person in the world (not in a bad way, he just wants to be your best friend and has no sense of personal space) and once stole Kurt's phone while he was in tumblr. As Jeff has a tumblr too, well, Kurt has to accept that Jeff (and, as they two come in a pack, Nick too) would follow him. He made them swear for their lives that they would never, never, ever let anyone else know about it.

It's not that Kurt has a blog as full of naked and gay people but it is something very personal. He's got one of these minimalist themes, only the header, a tagline with links and the endless scroll of posts. The links under the header are few: **"This is who I am"**, **"this is what I like"**, **"anything else you want to know?"** In his **"who I am"** page he has a brief description, a photo and links to his **#my life**, **#my face**, **#my stuff** and **#my clothes** tags. In the **"what I like"** page there's a list of his tags, from **#beautiful people** to **#harry potter**. Only a brief look at his blog can give you an idea of Kurt's personality.

.

Sebastian doesn't have a tumblr. He has a facebook that doesn't use that much and a private twitter, where he talks with his french friends and comments a bit about music or tv shows sometimes. Sebastian is a person that needs to be in control of everything, and everything includes his privacy. Having a public blog is not something he finds appealing.

Sebastian doesn't even have many friends. He's too much of a control freak to trust in people. If you can watch his twitter recent, you can see that all the people he talks to are nothing more than party-friends, the kind of people you get drunk with but don't expect to carry you home after. He isn't even interested in becoming friends with the Warblers, not really. He likes being alone. Well, he may not like it, but he prefers it.

(But he is asigned a dorm with Jeff and Jeff wants to be his friend and Jeff can't take no for an answer. Like it or not, Sebastian ends up as Jeff and Nick's friend. Pity him.)

.

The thing is that Kurt leaves Dalton, Sebastian goes back to Dalton, Sebastian meets Blaine, Blaine introduces Kurt to Sebastian. We all know that. Sebastian says that he dislikes Kurt and isn't lying. Kurt is stuck up and looks down at him and is way too posesive of Blaine Warbler. Sebastian even thinks that Kurt is a bit stupid, being so jealous of Blaine. Sebastian thinks that Blaine is kind of dull and a bit too much of a goody two shoes but, at the end, he is bored and likes a challenge. He is not sure if, when he tells himself that he is still at it because of the challenge, he is thinking of Blaine or Kurt.


	2. second

One day he gets back to Dalton, drops in his bed and complains about Kurt. For once, the little diva has got him really mad. It's like he wasn't used to the endless slut shaming or something. But, whatever, he just wants to lay in bed and complain about how annoying Hummel is, and annoy Jeff and Nick in the proccess. They are doing homework in Jeff's bed and, when Sebastian says that _"Hummel dresses like a girl"_, Nick can't help but huff _"and you haven't seem him in a corset"_. Jeff adds _"or a skirt"_, but Sebastian doesn't care about that part. He is sitting upright and staring at Nick like he is a gift from heaven.

_"__A corset?"_

Sebastian ends up convincing Nick to show him Kurt's tumblr. He downplays a bit his interest as looking for something to laugh at, and Nick insists that _"in the photo, it looks actually good. I haven't seen it in person."_ Sebastian makes a mental note to remember Kurt's url**(.com)** while Nick types it, and expects the blog to be all full of rainbows and glitter and LGBT pride messages. He is surprised with the clean theme and the two Harry Potter posts that appear on the screen before Nick clicks in the**"this is who I am"** page.

**"****Kurt. 18. Ohio, USA (I'll be out of here and in NYC before you can say Broadway!)."**

That's all the description. A photo of Kurt in one of the show choir competitions, alone in the front while the rest of New Directions are a blur in the back of the picture, is right under the text. Kurt is smiling and the lights of the stage make him glow.

_"__Here"_, Nick says, and clicks the **#my clothes** tag. And, well, that is something Sebastian did expect. There is an endless scroll of photos (full front, from toes to right above the mouth, only showing all of Kurt's face when he's wearing a hat) with Kurt in a million different outfits. It seems like he takes them before leaving to school every day, and Sebastian can see that the brands of each clothing piece are listed in the description of the picture. Nick scrolls down way too fast, but Sebastian is sure that he just saw that one of the photos has more than 200 notes, and he could bet that that is a lot.

_"__There! You scrolled past!"_, Jeff calls out from the bed. Nick scrolls back a few posts, and there it is. Kurt in high combat boots, black skinny jeans and… Well. Sebastian is kind of… Woah. Hummel is wearing a really, really, really tight long sleeved t-shirt in a dark red; with a really wide neck and a black corset over it. As said… _WOAH._

_._

Sebastian finds himself stalking Kurt's tumblr more than often. The blog is titled _"For your entertainment"_, and Sebastian thinks that it's kind of a cliché, the gay kid being an Adam Lambert fan. Well, he kind of likes Adam Lambert. Like, a lot. He likes that Kurt likes Adam Lambert, too.

He finds that Kurt has a lot of followers and a lot of people that talk to him, and send him messages, and ask him advice on which books should they read, what album should they buy, how to come out of the closet, how to wear that new pair of boots. Kurt is always kind and funny and not at all pretentious. He has a **#bucketlist** tag full of books he wants to read, things he wants to do and places he wants to go to; reblogs a shitload of music (Sebastian discovers that he does listen to a lot more things that Broadway, including a lot of French musicians); and always has a word of support for anonymous people who send him messages telling him about a bad situation.

In the **#my life** tag, Sebastian finds out a lot about Kurt's life that he didn't know. The bullying is the worst part. He gets tempted and clicks a **_Read more_**, and regrets it instantly.

_"__It really was better at the beggining, you know? When I came back from Dalton, everyone was so concerned and so careful and always looking out for me. It was kind of annoying, but it was good. I was never alone, and they couldn't get to me. Then they just stopped worrying, and I really don't want to be a weight. But, the moment I am alone, it starts again. I just want this year to end and get out of this town."_

There is a picture of Kurt, only the back. He is in jeans and nothing else, and half of his back is full of bruises. Ugly bruises. Lockers and walls and dumpsters, Sebastian knows. He knows because of the posts, because of the blog, not because Kurt would ever tell. Not the Kurt he knows in real life.

.

He comes across Blaine and Kurt in the Lima Bean, he stops to talk to them, he flirts a bit with Blaine and snarks a bit with Kurt. And he is all the time thinking that Kurt probably sits so upright because it hurts to lean against the chair, that he surely buys a ton of make up and covers it all, all the time, just to make sure that Blaine is not worried. Because Sebastian is getting to know Kurt very well and now, when Kurt spits an insult about his hair and makes him laugh, he finally notices that he doesn't dislike him anymore. He may be even starting to like Kurt. Not only the blog-Kurt, but also the IRL-Kurt. Maybe all he needed was to look with the right lens.


	3. third

Maybe he starts sending Kurt messages. Anon messages. Maybe. Maybe he sends _"I hope you have a nice day"_ at first. Maybe it starts degenerating to_"smile, you are prettier when you are happy"_ after ten or twenty messages. Maybe (just maybe, and Sebastian won't ever admit it) he isn't lying when he writes _"you are pretty all the time, but you are gorgeous when you smile"_. Of course, this is al hypothetical, no one can prove that he is the one writing those messages.

He choses a letter (M, given that Kurt always calls him Meerkat) and starts signing his messages with it. Kurt tries to guess who he is. _"Girl or boy? Sugar Motta? Mike? Matt? Ok, I have no idea. I give up." _

Kurt uses to delete his answers after a while, or reunite them all in a single text post, but he creates a tag for **#the m anon** and keeps them all in his blog. Sebastian smiles brightly at him the next time they come across each other in the Lima Bean, and Kurt looks so confused it's not even funny.

Sometimes, when Sebastian stops by the Lima Bean and finds Kurt there (with or without Blaine and his other friends), he knows that Kurt has been slushied today because he is not wearing the same thing he posted in the morning. Because Sebastian enters in Kurt's blog every morning, just to send him a nice message.

.

Part because Dave's suicide attempt ruined the perfect balance of Sebastian's little world. Part because Sebastian still remembers why he lived three years in Paris. One day, he tells Kurt about it. Well, not him. M tells him.

_"__I lived in Ohio until I was 14. I went to a public school and had a couple friends. I was not popular but not an outcast, I wasn't good at anything but neither so bad. I was a tad too fat and way too short, but I wasn't noticed. I had just discovered that I was gay and I didn't tell anybody, except for my best frend._

_She was called Natalie and was a lesbian. Funny, uh? We were best friends for years and we kind of discovered we were gay together. I had kissed girls and she had kissed boys and neither of us had found it a great deal, so we decided to give it a try together. And, you know, nothing happened._

_After such a discovery, she decided to tell her parents. I wasn't ready for such a big step just yet, but she wanted them to know._

_I never knew what did they tell her. The next day I got to school and found a letter tapped to my locker. She explained that she had snuck into the school to leave it there at midnight, just before she jumped from the train's rail bridge. She said that she loved me and was sure that everything was going to be alright someday, but she couldn't bear knowing that her parents didn't want her anymore._

_My parents sent me away after that. I neved had the courage to visit her grave."_

Kurt is so understanding. Kurt asks him if he ever told his parents, if he confronted Natalie's family, if he is happy where he is. Kurt tells him that, if he ever comes back to Ohio, he could go to visit her with him, just so Sebastian _(no, no Sebastian, M)_ doesn't feel so alone.

Sebastian stares at the answer and finally notices that this is the first time in almost four years he has talked about this to someone, and that someone dislikes him to bits and doesn't know who he is. And he feels more alone than ever.


	4. fourth

Sebastian understands (finally) why Kurt blogs so much.

He always thought that Kurt was an attention whore. Well, he wasn't so wrong, but he always saw it from the wrong perspective. Kurt is always trying to make people notice that he is talented, and smart, and unique, and unbroken. He tries to bring everybody's attention to how happy he is, because he can't stand the idea of people knowing he is miserable. He doesn't want anyone to notice that he is flawed, and hurt, and weak, and in pain. So he throws a big show out of his happiness, and hides all the rest.

The thing is that Sebastian does the same. He is always this in control, mean, insensitive persona. The closest to friends he has are Jeff and Nick, and just so, because there's still a lot of things he doesn't tell. Sharing a bedroom with someone means there's not so much you can hide about your present (and, in the end, Sebastian shares the bedroom with both of them, because Nick spends 95% of his time with Jeff), and so they know a bit more than desirable about Sebastian's family, Sebastian's love (or sex, how you prefer it) life and Sebastian's personality. But they know nothing about Sebastian's past.

It's easier on the keyboard. It's easier when the screen hides you from the world, and Sebastian even thinks that Kurt is being brave. Showing his name, his face, his smile. Telling his story, trusting in this people, allowing them to hurt him. (Because Kurt sometimes posts little texts, always under a read more, saying things like _"I think you should have guessed by now that I'm not going to answer the hateful messages, stop wasting your time."_and Sebastian knows that even here, people want to hurt him. And he doesn't like it, and it seems a little more important to send that smiley message, just so Kurt doesn't let the hate get to him.)

Sebastian is always anonymous, and he talks directly to Kurt because he is sure that Kurt is listening and that Kurt cares. He suspected it at first, when he read all the kind answers to other people's problems, but now he is fucking blown away by how much Kurt cares. He has seen him in the Lima Bean, sitting by himself and writing an answer in his phone, smiling or frowning or doing puppy eyes at the screen; and a bit later Sebastian has gotten into his tumblr to see that there's an answer for him published.

.

Sebastian finds out that Blaine and Kurt broke up via tumblr. It's actually pretty surprising, the way Kurt puts it. _"Me and my (ex) boyfriend broke up and I'm not in the mood to blog, so, I'll let you to the mercy of the queue for a while, guise. Sorry."_ And, for a week straight, all the posts are tagged with #i am not here, leave a message after the beep.

Sebastian worries. Sebastian worries a lot and hates that he can't ask anyone about _how's Kurt? what's going on? is he okay? what happened between Blaine and him?_ (It takes him a while to notice that he hadn't thought about making a move on Blaine, not once. Blaine seems stupid and boring and plain besides someone like Kurt; and Sebastian thinks that he was going for the wrong guy all along and that he fucked up and he's an idiot.)

The breakup post was on a saturday. On Thursday it occurs to him that he can ask Nick and Jeff _(also, that smacking your head against the desk hurts)_. He tries really hard to be subtle about it. _"I heard that Kurt and Blaine broke up"_, he says, trying to look as careless as he can. Nick is napping in Jeff's bed, and Jeff is leaning against his stomach, reading. He looks up from his book, frowning a little. _"How did you know?"_

_"__I overheard the New Directions when I was at the Lima Bean",_ Sebastian lies. He tries not to sigh in relief when Jeff seems to believe it. _"Yeah, seems like Blaine got jealous about a guy flirting with Kurt, but I don't know exactly how it went down." _

Sebastian thinks that Blaine is an asshole, because he flirted with him during, like, forever, and he never seemed to mind it. (Come on, the guy craved the praise, anyone could see it). He also thinks that he really, really needs to know how Kurt is feeling.

That's when he decides he need to find a way to let Kurt know who he is and avoid that he hates him even more.

The next message he sends Kurt is more personal._"Are you ok? Someone told me that you and Blaine broke up because he was jealous. If that's it, he's a douche. - M"_


	5. fifth

Of course, Kurt starts again trying to figure out who he is. _"I had asumed you were still living away! So I do know you! Oh my god, who are you? Tell me!"_ He also answers that yes, he's OK; yes, they broke up because a guy was flirting with Kurt and Blaine insisted it was cheating; and yes, he is kind of a douche. _"Blaine flirts all the time",_ Sebastian says, trying not to mention himself. He isn't sure Kurt knows about the texts Blaine and him used to exchange and he really doesn't want him to know. The idea is to get Kurt to stop hating him. _"And you are too much for him, anyways"_ he writes, and then thinks that _Kurt is problably too much for him too._

That's when he realizes he is totally crushing on Kurt. Kurt who is smart and funny and sensitive and deep and proud and strong and talented. Kurt who thinks he is a jerk trying to steal his boyfriend (well, he is the former, but the second is now a lie). Kurt who will never want him back.

.

Kurt gets into tumblr again exactly a week again after the breakup. He has a few messages (some totally disconnected, a few asking about what happened with Blaine). He totally flips out when he reads M's message. He freaks the fuck out and starts (again) to make a list of all the people who could be M. He has no idea. Not a single idea. _Well, he may have an idea, but it doesn't seem logical, so he disregards it the second after it pops in his head._

He answers to M, of course. He answers to him the first, and then does a text post for all the other messages. He finds that his queue is empty, checks his dash to get updated in the last tumblr phenomenons (Obama doing something silly in Monday, a cheeta that escaped the zoo and was running around London two days later, freaking out about a fight between Lady Gaga and Adele and doing endless jokes about it on Friday), sees the red sign of his ask box and crosses his fingers.

It's M. Two hours and a short conversation later, M sends him a very short ask.

_"__Gotta go. We could always play guessing. The M could stand for 'Machistador', that was your first clue. - M"_

When Burt opens Kurt's door to call him to dinner, he doesn't understand why his son is sitting in the bed with his laptop, cross legged and staring at the screen while biting his nails.


	6. sixt

Kurt has a nightmare. He wakes up sure that his dad died and with tracks of tears all over his face. He tries to go back to sleep but it seems like it won't happen, and it's only 1am, so he can't get up. He chooses to grab his laptop, settle against the pillows and open tumblr.

There's a message from M. He hopes it's recent, but it's probably from 3 hours ago. Kurt asnwers it, posts that _"ugh, nightmares, seems like I am condemned to be a creature of the night"_ and starts scrolling down his dash. When he sees that there's more than 100 new posts he refreshes the page, and embarrases himself by squealing at the notification of a new message.

_"__Are you having nightmares, baby? C'mon, you know they are just dreams, go back to sleep. Your blood will turn in moccha one day or another if you don't start sleeping well. - M"_

Kurt wonders if he should be scared that M knows his coffee order, knows why he and Blaine broke up, knows that Blaine flirted with other people. He is pretty sure that he should, but he can't bring himself to be. He feels like M is friend.

_"__I'm a big boy, I just can't go back to sleep after I woke up."_

_"__I could tell you a bedtime story."_

_"__Oh, are you a good storyteller? Fire away."_

_._

**This is the story Sebastian told Kurt. In almost 10 messages, so let's just put it together.**

"_You know, big cities have a certain charm. New York, London, Paris, DC, Barcelona. You should visit Barcelona sometime. And Rome, of course. And Buenos Aires, Sao Paulo, Montevideo. LatinEuropean and LatinAmerican people are fun and friendly and so cheerful you can't help but love them. Specially in America, but Italians are the funniest people in the world and French from the South of France, where half of the people talk Spanish too; they are lovely._

_But I'm getting out of the subject._

_Big cities are full of surprises. You have the crazy man dressed as a mid age wizard asking for coins to feed his dragon in New York, gangs of skaters that take you by surprise when you walk down a street in Barcelona, Obama playing with a laser sword in Washington. In Buenos Aires you can find jugglers playing with balls or with torches in the corners; while going around London you can find a musician every two streets, either playing a guitar, the flute or a cello (or the three of them at the same time)._

_And in Paris you can find the love of your life. Leaning against the banister of a bridge, smoking a joint while looking at dawn over the Seine. 5am in a Wednesday, and the summer in Paris is not as in the South of France. He was wearing skinny jeans and an open button-up shirt which seemed that had had its sleeved teared instead of cut; and nothing else. No undershirt, no shoes, no socks. Oh, I'm lying! He had a leather wristband in his left arm and a pair of dark sunglasses, even though it was still dark._

_I used to smoke, and I was walking back from the bar with a cigarette in hand and my earphones tucked in. I didn't see him until he startled me by touching my shoulder, asking if I had a light. He was gorgeous, and my first instinct was to be a little flirty. I took my Zippo out and lit his joint for him, and he smirked before saying "merci". He had an awful accent. "Are you American?" was all it took for him to turn his smirk into the brightest smile I had ever seen._

_A very familiar smile, by the way. You wouldn't believe me if I told you who he was, and I don't intend to tell anyways. Only hint is that you and probably a good 95% of the world, disregarding sexual orientation, would give an arm for the chance to talk to him. He just said "want a hit?" and, when I nodded, surged fowards and blew the smoke right into my mouth. I almost fainted._

_Let's call him P. He told me that his friends called him "Primadonna" and I couldn't resist the nickname. (Did I tell you that M doesn't stand for my name?) He was (is) tall and skinny, with brown curls all over his face and the dark sunglasses always covering his eyes. He is pretty. Not only handsome (that he is, and I'm sure he would sense if I told otherwise and come to kill me), because there's a lot of handsome guys. He is gorgeous, and gorgeous isn't something you find that easily._

_We spent weeks together. From that first morning, getting high and going for coffee and muffins together; we were never away for too long. He's filthily rich and I'm not exactly poor either, so we went from his suite at the Ritz and my house, going trough all the clubs and malls and cafés and everything funny we could think of doing in Paris._

_And then he had to go. We were drinking and talking in my roof and he said that he would wait for me at DeGaulle. If I was there to say goodbye to him, we could try… something. We didn't know what. If I wasn't there, well… He would pretend like it had never happened._

_(I ran to take the cab, I ran looking for his gate, I fucking ran to ask someone if his plane had already left. The next time I saw him, a friend said "Hey, M, this is P." He gave me the saddest smile I have ever seen and shook my hand and said "Pleasure, I've heard a lot about you.)_"

.

**Kurt fell asleep before posting an answer for M. He dreamed of Paris.**


	7. seventh

Kurt woke up, took a shower, picked his clothes for the day, did his hair. He turned on his laptop and went to the kitchen for a cup of coffee while it started. When he came back to his room, the first thing he did was entering his inbox.

"_I guess you fell asleep. Have a good night, Princess._"

"_You are indeed a good story teller. Sorry I didn't respond last night, I passed out after I finished reading the last message!_"

He doesn't expect M to be awake, so he rereads the story once more. He wonders if it's true, he wonders if this Primadonna is someone famous. He feels a pang of jealousy when he sees that M calls him "the love of my life" and mentally smacks himself for being an idiot. "You don't know him. For all you know he can be Jacob. Stop being so stupid."

Then he realizes something. And he chokes on his coffee.

_"__Oh my god."_ He scrolls back up and… Yes. Kurt mutters to himself while re reading the phrase over and over again. "_He said 'in my house'._ _He lived in Paris._"

He goes to his dash to post a text, thinking of how badly he wishes he had a way to contact M without having to wait for him to see his blog. He clicks the icon, and when tumblr redirects him to the new text post a new message appears.

"_Don't worry, that was exactly the idea. I was thinking that you probably know P. Take that as a clue. While you think about it, I have training! We'll talk later._"

Kurt re reads the message. Kurt opens a new text post. Kurt freaks out.

_"__So, he lived in Paris. He lived in Ohio, moved away, lived in Paris, went back here not so long ago. He probably is openly gay. He's close to me or close to someone close. M stand for Machistador. Oh my gsadhasdsd…_"

Kurt closes his laptot and almost spills his coffee over his lap.

"_Oh my god. M is Sebastian Smythe._"


	8. eighth

_"__Jeff, you have three seconds to tell me Smythe's number. NOW."_

_"What happened?"_

_"Three… Two…"_

_"OK! OK! Don't kill me! I'll text it to you."_

As soon as Kurt receives Jeff's text, he saves Sebastian's number and starts writing him a message. It comes out strangely easy, and he sends it without reading it twice.

_"__M stands for man whore? Really? I should have guessed at first hint."_

_._

Nick, who is lying in Jeff's bed, waiting for his boyfriend to come from class; stares at Sebastian when he lets out a laughter all of sudden. Sebastian looks up from his Iphone just to say _"I think I might actually be in_ _love"_,before standing up, taking his wallet and his keys from the desk and going out. _"He's gonne_ _crazy"_, Nick mutters to himself before going back to his homework.

.

_"__Machistador is a bit classier, you can't deny it. How's your day been?"_

_"__French doesn't make something classy. It's been quite strange, actually. Starting with what the hell are you doing, Smythe?"_

_"__Maybe I was bored. Maybe I was looking for blackmail material. Maybe fuck you, will you stop being nice to me so easily? I thought you liked me! LOL. What gave me away at the end?"_

_"__You told me you lived in Paris. Telling me that I knew your "Primadonna" was the last piece, anyways, I was sure that he's Julian Larson. Pretty impressive, by the way."_

_"__Impressive? Sleeping with Jules? I think half of the country did."_

_"__Getting him to sleep with you twice, actually."_

_"__No one can resist my charming personality, Kurt. See? Not even you!"_

_._

When, during lunch at school, Mercedes asks him if he's texting "_that Chandler guy_" again, seeing that he's laughing so much, Kurt realizes he's knowingly talking to Sebastian Smythe. And smiling like he hasn't in days.

_"__This is getting only weirder the more I think about it. We should talk in person."_

_"__Lima Bean, 4pm?"_

_"__See you there."_


	9. ninth

Kurt orders a grande non-fat moccha for him and a double schiumato for Sebastian. He knows his order since almost ever, thanks to endless afternoons watching Sebastian flirt with Blaine (or arguing with him) and order coffee after coffee after coffee.

Kurt's always been kind of a caffeine addict, and Blaine used to get up, offer to get another coffee for all of them and stay away of their little fights for as long as possible (of course, until the slushie debacle ensued and the weak truce they established wasn't enough to get them to talk in a civlized way). Now that he thinks about it, Blaine always drank two or three cups less than Kurt did when they spent the afternoon at the Lima Bean.

The moment he gets the coffees and starts walking toward some of the empty tables by the windows, Sebastian enters the café. The first thing he does when he spots Kurt is walk towards him, take out the cap of one of the cups in his hands, check it's his schiumato and take the cup out of Kurt's and smirk. _"Lovely, you know my coffee order. There's a table in that corner."_

Kurt lets himself be guided by Sebastian to a table in the farthest corner, with a window in a side and the wall in the other. Kurt notices that he never sat in this table, nor in any so… hidden. If you stand near the door you can't see them there, but Kurt can see whoever enters.

_"__You are welcome"_, Kurt mocks, nodding towards Sebastian's coffee as they sit. The Warbler's smirk only turns bigger._"I know I am, you couldn't live without my face."_ Kurt rolls his eyes. He feels a bit awkward, trying to reconcile his idea of Sebastian with his idea of M. (Suddenly, he understands all of the times Sebastian kind of smiled at him or wasn't so cruel about certain things. It makes easier the combination of the person and the persona, like he is just meeting an old friend he hasn't seen in years but loves still).

_"__I assume you want an explanation."_ Sebastian finally says, talking with the rim of his cup leaning against his lower lip._"I really don't know how to give you one." He adds._


	10. tenth

They share a minute of tight silence, Sebastian looking down at his cup and Kurt looking at him with a curious gaze. Finally, Kurt asks the question that's been gnawing inside him.

_"How much of what you told me is true?"_

Sebastian looks up, scowling._ "Everything is true. I didn't have a reason to lie to you."_ He souns almost offended, even though he knows Kurt has every right not to trust him. _"Every single thing."_ Sebastian murmurs before sipping his coffee again.

Kurt stares at him for a few seconds, looking for the right words. He has a lot of doubts, and he needs answers. _"How did you find it? Why did you even start messaging me?"_

_"I can't tell, and I don't know,"_ is Sebastian's succint answer. He is sure that all of this was a big mistake, that he should never... _"I don't know,"_ he repeats, and Sebastian Smythe hasn't looked so small and unsure since he was fourteen.

Kurt makes the coffee roll inside his cup and plays with the cap before finally asking; _"What happens now?"_

_"I... I really have no idea,"_ Sebastian finishes his coffee in one sip before talking again._ "I think the choice is on you."_

Kurt is about to answer but Sebastian gets up, mutters something that sounds a lot like "thanks for the coffee," and walks out of the Lima Bean before he can join two words inside his head.

Maybe Kurt knows the answers. He suspects that it was Jeff who told Sebastian about his blog and he just knew –like it was instinct- that Sebastian wasn't lying about anything. And he may know the other answer, the most important one. Why did Sebastian start sending those messages?


	11. eleventh

When Kurt has a problem, he goes to tumblr. It's his safe place. There, no one who knows him will read what goes on his head, so he can't annoy anyone, or have his friends constantly worried about what happens to him. Well, tumblr used to be his safe place. Because Kurt really needs to write down everything that's going on in his head regardings Sebastian Smythe, and he and his two best friends are the only people who know Kurt's blog.

He keysmashes three entire lines before hitting his forehead against the keyboard and sighing. Maybe, just maybe, he should rely a bit on his friends. (It's something Sebastian has said, something that M has said: "you always are there for people but don't want them to be there for you, that's idiotic. You have the right to get back all that you give, and people who are not willing to give you back are assholes who don't deserve to be around you," and now that he thinks about it, how come he never noticed Sebastian was writing all of this?)

.

A nonfat moccha, three cupcakes with tons of sugar to make completely invalid the nonfat part of the coffee and the sassy inputs of his best friends. That's all he needs. Mercedes bitches a bit about not knowing anything about this "top secret too special for my BFF blog" but she does make Kurt feel better.

"He lo-oh-ves yah," Mercedes mocks, and Kurt throws a cupcake crumble to her. They giggle and pretend to argue for a while, until Mercedes stops in her track and stares at Kurt. "Wait. Do you actually... Like-like him?" (Kurt's blush in enough of an answer.)

.

He types the link, /tagged/the-m-anon, and presses enter. He then clicks on "go to the last page". He needs to start from scratch to see if that clears his head.

The first asks aren't tagged, of course, because he never signed them. They were simple messages. "_Smile,_" "_don't be sad,_" "_don't let the bullies get to you, you are better than them._" Sebastian started signing as M with one particular message. "_You are bigger than small town Ohio and all these assholes. Only a few more months and then you'll be out. Aren't you going to New York? – M._"

The actual conversations started there. "_Yes, I want to go to NYC. I applied at NYADA, Parsons, NYU and a few more colleges near. What are your plans?_" and "_I'm going into Laws or Economics. Still don't know if doing it in the States or France. – M._"

Kurt slowly realizes that he knows a lot about Sebastian, and he knows a lot about Kurt. Things like "_Hey, I saw that you are reading Leaves of Grass! Whitman is one of my favorite poets.- M,_" or "_Come on, stop reblogging Shakespeare's quotes, I'm going to puke. – M._" Little things like "_I actually like your covers of Florence. I think you should sing Homewrecker, by Marina & the Diamonds. I kind of love her, but don't tell anyone. – M._"

Kurt hums while he goes through the pages, through dozens of messages and comments. Through "_You actually wore a skirt to school, why I'm not surprised? – M,_" and "_It's a kilt, and fashion has no genre, and I would bet my life that you dress like a pretentious hipster,_" quickly answered with "_I have a perfect fashion sense, Kurt. Know what? Have a picture..."_ (Kurt had gotten so excited when he saw the link, but the photo was cut at the chin. Now that he looks at it again is easy to relate it to Sebastian: black sneakers, jeans swung too low at the hips and a bit too loose around the long and lean legs, a black button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up and the collar popped up. Kurt's answer to that message was a snarky comment about how using the collar like that was completely tasteless.)

.

"_Hey, guys. I know I haven't posted much in the last days so have a badly recorded cover sung by me._"

Kurt clicks post and turns off the computer, thinking about Sebastian and Mercedes asking if he "likes-likes him." Before going to bed he checks his phone a last time. There's a few likes and reblogs on his cover of Marina's Homewrecker, two comments in his last Facebook status and a new text. From Blaine.

"_Could we go for coffee tomorrow?_"

* * *

**AN: Hi, lovelies. Have an update! I'm sorry I don't post regularly, this started only as a messy headcanon and I don't even know why you like it, god. Thank you so much for the comments and faves! You make me extremely happy!**

**I have a thing to ask to you, though: I moved this from tumblr to here a week before the whole mess with FF deleting fics started. I don't think this would get deleted, but I'm copying it to Livejournal anyways. I plan on start updating it in both places, but I'd rather stick only with LJ. If I stopped updating here, would you be too annoyed? **


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